#80-The "Stripey"

It was the decade when...

Striped dress shirts weren't just for barbershop quartets.

Ballad of the Striped Dress Shirt

It's 2005,

You see what cool dudes are wearing:

Fitted striped shirts,

In hues overbearing.

It's slimming too!

So, you'll want to stand tall,

And show off what's new

At Brooks Brothers this fall.

You live off red bull.

At a hedge fund you work.

In your new striped shirt

You wont look like a jerk.

Okay, it's tight,

But not like you're gay.

The shirt fits just right!

(In a metrosex way.)

It's a Big Date,

You want to impress.

You met this blonde at a club,

But you looked like a mess.

So you button it closed,

Put on Hummmer cologne.

The bitch is real hot and,

This dogs got a bone.

At Pastis you dine.

And though charm you are lacking,

In your shirt you seem fine.

You prepare for meat-packing.

Like a train it now hits you.

Every muscle you freeze.

For you spent all your money on

Your new striped chemise.

"You're a real douche.

So tacky!" she gripes.

And you're left alone.

You and your vertical stripes.

And so home again,

You jerk till you squirt.

And then you clean up

With your brand new striped shirt.

You AUGHT to remember.