Friday, December 4, 2009

#29 - Dr. Phil

It was the decade when...

Folksy, homespun, judgmental advice and tired catchphrases replaced psychology.

The Ballad of Dr. Phil.
(Sung to the tune of the Ballad of Davy Crockett)

Born in Oklahoma at the half century.
To Jerry and Joe, (Oh! Jerry is a she.)
Bald as an egg since he was only three,
A bald Phil McGraw is a fait accompli.

Dr., Dr. Phil
Boy of the wild frontier.

Annulled his first marriage in '73,
A real purdy gal but not enough for he.
Cheated on her with a girl menagerie.
Now she runs a liquor store in Kansas City.

Dr., Dr. Phil
At least he 'aint no queer!

Now, Phil was real strong and big and tall
So he got himself a scholarship to play football
Tackling Phil was like hitting a wall.
But in the big game he scored almost nothing at all!

Dr., Dr. Phil
He needs a new career.

Phil had it in his mind to be a headshrinker
Just like his daddy before, of that he was sure.
"Dr. Phil" was born, a man you cannot deter,
A so-so shrink, a great entrepreneur.

Dr., Dr. Phil
Psychological buccaneer.

Now a piece of advice from those in the know:
To get rich and famous go on Oprah's show.
Be tough and folksy and next thing you know,
You've got best-sellers and your own TV Show!

Dr., Dr. Phil,
A celebrity who knows no peer.

Now out on his own, McGraw was up to bat,
Taking a swing, he knew where it was at.
How to reach America and not fall flat?
Just talk about diets cause they're all really fat!

Dr., Dr. Phil
Obesity profiteer.

No longer a shrink, McGraw's just a guy,
Who says what he thinks while his guests sit and cry.
But Phil kept his title, though it's kind of a lie.
But if Phil's not a "Dr.", well then, no one would buy.

Dr., Dr. Phil
He's not quite sincere.

Over ten million is his yearly paycheck,
for telling his guests how their lives are wreck.
And his advice is a notch above dreck.
Follow up with guests? Why? No one will check!

Dr., Dr. Phil.
His judgment is severe.

His Nielsen ratings are beginning to slip.
Once neck and neck with Oprah, he's losing his grip.
His southern drawl is anything but hip.
Let's all give the "Dr." a bird we can flip.

Dr., Dr. Phil.
The end must soon be near!

You AUGHT to remember...

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