It was the decade when...
we wanted our beverages to be as methamphetamine-like as possible.
Pop Quiz:
1) Red Bull tastes like...
a) sweet and acidic seltzer water.
b) if Mountain Dew could spoil...
c) something an astronaut would drink.
d) alkaline battery acid.
2) Consuming Red Bull with spirits...
a) gets you intoxicated faster.
b) makes you forget your name.
c) will end with you naked and pregnant.
d) habiba fopmsf sdfksaf....
3) Taurine, Red Bull's most potent ingredient,...
a) is a chemical found in human bile.
b) can be extracted from bull testicles.
c) has never been scientifically proven to increase energy.
d) will eat through steel like Alien blood.
4) Red Bull's secret ingredient is...
a) civet coffee extract.
b) bergamot oil.
c) cocaine.
d) kryptonite.
5) The Red Bull logo is...
a) a lighting bolt.
b) a costumed superhero.
c) two large bulls charing head to head.
d) a picture of Henry Spencer from Eraserhead.
6) Red Bull, is, in the end...
a) a passing fad.
b) the best new drink since Tang!
c) legalized crank.
d) ZOOM!!!!!!!
Answer Key:
1-d; 2-a,b,c,d; 3-a,b,c; 4- c (Oh yes!); 5- c; 6- c,d
You AUGHT to remember...
About Red Bull and cocaine: "oh no," that isn't actually the secret ingredient. Red Bull COLA, an otherwise-unrelated product introduced ca. 2008, contains (decocainized, yes) coca leaf along with an amazing amount of other natural flavors and extracts. Some brilliant folks in Germany ran it through a GC/MS or something and found traces (TRACES) of cocaine, which can also be found in Coca-Cola (oh yes).
ReplyDeleteRed Bull, the product we have known and loved all the way through the last decade, does not contain traces, having not ever been anywhere near a coca plant. It's just old-fashioned caffeine and supplements at work. Wings.