Wednesday, September 23, 2009

# 100-Vitamin Water

It was the decade when...

...we realized that water sucked and needed Vitamins.

Do you like water? H20? Have you always had the nagging suspicion that water was, oh, a little DULL? Do you feel embarrassed at the gym to just fill your bottle with the crap from the tap? Is Gatorade too butch for you? If you have had any of these thoughts...fear not. The 21st Century has solved your conundrum! Now we have water....with sugar, I mean, with vitamins! Who said you needed to eat your greens? Take your daily supplement? Not when there is Sugar Wa..., I mean, Vitamin Water! For only, oh, 3000X the price of tap water you too can feel that unique sense of self-satisfaction that comes from spending an inordinate amount of money on something that all the yuppies at the squash court are drinking. We're not even carbonated. Fuck Carbonation. We Rock. And you need lots of sugar, I mean, vitamins. We know that reading a snarky but self-congratulatory mini-essay on the side of the bottle only adds to your sense of self worth. It not everyone after all who buys drinks that have BOTTLES worth reading. And with brands named after hip-hop stars, who wouldn't feel cool drinking our Sugar, I mean, Vitamin Water? So, forget Evian, toss your Gatorade to the side, and drink the drink that costs, I mean, makes you feel, like a million bucks...Sugar, I mean, Vitamin Water!

Paid for by The Coca-Cola Corporation.

You AUGHT To Remember.

1 comment: